There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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