i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
