I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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