I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
