Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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