Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
