I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
