I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
