Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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