When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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