what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
