Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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