is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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