i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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