Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
