My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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