My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
