i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
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so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
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I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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