Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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