Porn is love you can see.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize