3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
