Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How's work?
Spinning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
