you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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