I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
