I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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