I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
