Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
