All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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