you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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