its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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