she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
