I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
