Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
