not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
