Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
