an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
