I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
