We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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