you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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