Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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