That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
