I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize