you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
