Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
