Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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