What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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