Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
