Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize