: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
