you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
