I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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