I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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