she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
