i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
