Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
