You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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