New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
