Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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