whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
