I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
