Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
