that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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