DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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