omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize