I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
