I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
