When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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