i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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