wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
